Hi friends! I read through my previous blog posts this morning and noticed that the material I’ve been writing has been rather serious. I paused, noticing a feeling of doubt in the “entertainment” of the content I am creating. Although, I never started this blog with that plan or expectation of myself, not to mention that the term “entertainment” is subjective. I began this journey to share my experiences in “Navigating my 20’s” to provide, inspire, hear, and support someone, even if I’m the only audience member. That being said, I also want to challenge, as well as embrace the heaviness that each day may welcome… today welcoming “fear” in all its entirety.

I catch myself often in moments of fear. Fear of how I will land that “dream” job. Fear that I won’t do enough good with my time here. Fear of rejection… an overwhelming fear of hurting people. I contradict this at times, however. Can’t we all agree that life isn’t driven nor is it enjoyed through living in fear? Hints of regret and insecurity are going to creep their way in in unsolicited moments… We all experience this. What I’m coming to learn is that fear may remain inevitable, but suffering with that fear is optional.

I’ve made some mistakes throughout the past few months: some major some minor. For one, I never should have gotten my hair cut so short a few months ago nor should I ever again be invited on the dance floor! These minor events I have let go of. They were never worth carrying. However, I have made what feel to be “major” mistakes. Not taking that internship. Not setting boundaries as clearly as I could have. Not taking care of myself sooner… Fear exists here.

Fear has now taken over. The worry that individuals will get to know me so well that they decide it’s “too much” to stay… That worry exists. The fear that my peace of mind is contingent on how much I am understood or cared for by an individual I adore… That worry exists. One of the harsher realities of this feeling is that it is self-inflicting. The emotions that pair with realizing that “I did this to myself” are overwhelming. This idea could also be known as “self-sabotage.”

I laugh. I can be so serious at times… Maybe I should return to the dance floor! What feels both comical and insightful is that 99% of the people in my little world are “It is what it is” type-of people. Glass shatters on the floor… I hear “It is what it is.” A friend gave you a really short, abnormal response… I hear “It is what it is.” I’m more of a “Now I need to order a new glass to replace the shattered one and I also want to check on my friend so they know just how much I care about them” type-of person. Both are just as good… right!?

Hopefully you’ve smiled or related even just once through your reading. We all deserve Grace for our mishaps and mistakes. Perhaps take a moment today to find peace and purpose where your feet are and celebrate one small win. Meanwhile, I am beginning the move-out process from my house full of worries and am most definitely filing for divorce from my relationship with fear.

All my love, Grace.