It’s officially one week before my move out of Austin, Texas. I write to you with tired eyes from crying, a room full of boxes and a mattress on the floor. It’s all just a lot.

Deciding to move back to my hometown in Wisconsin has been one of the hardest decisions I’ve made thus far. Back in June was when I really started to consider this potential transition. I wrote out a pros and cons list, as one does, and the one thing I couldn’t come to terms with was being away from my family any longer. My mom and two brothers are everything to me. There’s no one in this world that makes me feel as loved as they do. To be able to write that sentence reminds me just how privileged I am to have that unconditional love in my life. This all began the mental process of this potential move.

The mental process has been the toughest. Anyone can fill and lift some boxes, but the mental toll of the life and memories that gets poured into those boxes is another conversation. The pictures and matchboxes that my friends and I collected on nights out. The perfume I won’t wear because it reminds me of my apartment smell and I want that smell to last forever. The clothes that I went on dates in and put on when I needed some comfort… Life packed into boxes.

Austin, Texas truly is a whole different world. The caliber of people, of the women I’ve met here. The intellect, the rawness, the community… the kindness. It feels impossible to find these relationships elsewhere. The fitness, the want to be stronger, mentally and physically, the amount of opportunity that I’ve grasped at with my fingertips. My love for dance has formed here, “Fitcidence” being the most welcoming and life-changing dance studio and community of all. My apartment, my darling apartment, filled with all of my favorite things. It’s all meant everything to me.

I am the strongest, bravest and most incredible version of myself at this time in my life. I’ve become so good at self regulating, a habit you inevitably have to learn and face when you live alone. I’ve learned to be more accepting of circumstances opposed to maintaining a controlling mentality. These newly formed habits ultimately brought me clarity in making this final decision, knowing my intuition has always had my back, because of course my intuition is a girls girl! I’ve sacrificed a lot to feel this way. Coming to terms with no contact to those fun narcissists in my life, not giving romantic connections another chance once they came back realizing what they lost, which a younger version of me would have entertained, or even as silly as not settling for a career path to a company who didn’t care to learn my last name.

I used to think that complimenting yourself was viewed as conceited or boastful. Yeah… f*** that. I’m so freaking fun and real and wonderful. I’m proud to acknowledge my leap of faith, my courage, my strength in the midst of all that the past year has been. A move across the country knowing I’ll be better for it, regardless of the ugliness I’ve sat with. In others, in this world and in myself.

I’ll spend this next week crying some more. Hugging my ATX community, dancing my heart away and packing those boxes full of all the life I’ve created for myself thus far. Some silent moments, too. Ones where you hear every single sound and pause to breathe because as optimistic as I sound, this is all impossibly heavy.

I’ll look forward to messages from my second family in the South, leaning into my incredible new career in downtown Milwaukee and cooking tacos with my mama on a Tuesday night. This is my new normal and I’m ready for this next leap of faith.

A friend said to me the other day, “Just because you’re going back home doesn’t mean you’re going backwards.” I well up with tears again as I read those words. For the next transition can be so right, but entirely as tough.

“i love you so much.”, Austin.

All my love, Grace.