It’s just one of those nights. One where your mind is crowded with thoughts and your heart is vulnerable. One where the sunset gives you more perspective than the night before and the home cooked meal is extra refreshing.

It’s been awhile! I missed writing to anyone reading this. I hope you are healthy and well.

It’s been quite an interesting 2 months living alone in Austin, Texas. I’ve smiled, I’ve cried, I’ve laughed, I’ve slept, I’ve been challenged, I’ve loved, I’ve hurt… I’ve felt every emotion that is humanly possible. It’s both common and interesting to think that life can be better in a new location. One with better finances, prettier walking trails or healed and mature people. Absolutely those factors can contribute to an enhancement of life, but I sit here alone on my Costco couch at 9:30pm on a Sunday realizing that those factors are only enhancements of life, not guaranteed sources of happiness.

It’s easy to feel pressure by milestones that others have already achieved. Most individuals that I’ve met here are engaged, the most fit they’ve ever been or are religious in ways I can’t compare to. Although, there’s no correct way, I’d argue, to live your daily life. Yes, that pressure may exist inevitably, but I’ve found that the most important relationship, the most valuable commitment and the most cherished faith will always be to yourself.

I struggle. I put on an optimistic face and do my best to make everyone feel like they belong. I work overtime trying to make individuals feel seen in rooms they feel invisible. Truth be told, it’s one of my favorite attributes I embody, but am I the invisible one then? I’m in a phase of my life where I feel a bit invisible. Companies overlook my resume. A guy I want to be with finds something better than what I can give him. You spend your life showing up for anyone and everyone, but sit alone on a Sunday evening wondering where you went wrong… It hurts.

I needed to write tonight. Felt the want to be transparent. I’m really happy you’re here.

It’s one of those nights where the silence is loud and the weighted blanket keeps you secure.

All my love, Grace.